Recently a number of us on the far side of life have been writing about the ageing wargaming fraternity and our burgeoning collections and what to do with them. Here is my tuppence worth. Yes I’m still living in the past before the 14th of February 1966 when we in Oz changed to decimal currency.

We are fellow travellers on the long and winding road of wargaming, a path paved with miniature heroes and tiny tanks. I understand your plight completely. As a “Guru” not just in name but in spirit, I am a true old codger of 72 who has seen battles and bought battalions, nay armies!

I have meticulously divided my collection into three piles, because life is too short to have everything mixed up—let’s be honest, even my socks deserve better than that! Well, maybe not!

A collection isn’t just a pile of “stuff”—that’s just the technical wargaming term for “really cool junk”; it’s more like a quirky museum of your life’s epic quests. Each model is a tiny memory, showcasing your brilliant tactics (or facepalms of legendary proportions). That second cohort from the left? I bet you can still visualize those dust motes doing the cha-cha in the lamplight as you staged your strategic maneuver, feeling the pressure like you were about to launch a real invasion. It’s not hoarding; it’s a personal hall of fame, a gallery filled with victories and wild “what ifs.” This “stuff” is the eye candy that decorates your shelves, even if you know you may never unleash them in battle again!

And that second pile, the “games I play or might play”? Ah, that’s the glorious, never-ending optimism of the wargamer! It’s the dream that one day, out of the blue, you’ll have the kind of free weekend that only exists in fairy tales, where you can finally crack open that box and unleash those meticulously painted miniatures like they’re about to get their own reality show. That pile is the beacon of future glory, seducing you to add just one more battalion to your arsenal or one more starship to your fleet—because, hey, this time it’s different! This one will totally get used… right after you finish that other pile, and the one under the bed, and maybe the one you forgot about in the garage!

But then there’s the third pile—the “really cool stuff” that you secretly know will never see the light of day. It’s like the old general preparing for a downsizing mission, except instead of a war, it’s a battle against the clutter! For me, selling AU$500 worth of treasures at “Victorious” this past weekend felt like I just conquered Mount Everest; I deserve a gold medal for that feat! I mean, walking into a convention selling off part of my prized collection, and managing to not buy anything? That’s a level of self-control that only the most disciplined superheroes can achieve. I’m practically a legend now, staring bravely into the abyss of yet another impulse purchase and declaring, “Not today, my friend! I’ve got enough glorious artifacts gathering dust back at my lair.”

And what’s the deal when you “cark it”? You’ve uncovered the secret sauce of the wargaming world! Your poor heirs will be left wrestling with a garage packed to the brim with your lovingly painted miniatures while you’re off in the afterlife, blissfully planning your next epic campaign against the celestial forces.

The fate of that glorious collection? That’s a problem for the living! They haven’t quite grasped the fact that the real joy of life isn’t in the endgame but in the marathon journey of buying, painting, and carefully arranging those tiny warriors on a shelf where they can bask in eternal admiration.

It’s a hilarious cycle: buy, paint, show off like it’s the Mona Lisa, and then, with a dramatic sigh, sell it—only to realize you’ll probably just run back to buy more! It’s proof that a wargamer’s work feels like a never-ending episode of articles in a wargaming magazine, and honestly, isn’t that the real joy? The adventure—and all that glorified clutter—will carry on like an obnoxious opponent – and yes we all have them!

Thanks to Gemini AI for helping me graphically represent our glorious journey through life’s campaigns.