No I am not talking about the Australian singer/song writer Billy Fields 1981 top 40 hit or the really bad Ed Sheeran song of the same name.

But rather the fact that during WW2 the tale of the bogus nun captured the popular imagination like no other, and was singled out for special attention in a broadcast by Harold Nicolson, then Parliamentary Secretary to the Ministry of Information. On the subject of the chatterbug (a wartime campaign to stop heedless gossip that might be used by the enemy) he warned:

He will say that his brother in law – chatterbugs always have innumerable brothers in law – was in the train from Derby when a nun entered and started to read a religious book. The book dropped from her lap, and as she stooped to retrieve it she disclosed a manly wrist complete with a tattooed inset of Adolf Hitler.

Suspicious nuns quickly became a popular talking point, a fact reflected in “Mass” (pun intended) Observation reporting. A diary entry on 30 May, 1940 by Naomi Mitchison illustrates the point:

We discussed German agents in disguise. Archie said he had often noticed what big feet nuns had, and probably the half of them were men. The conversation, as Scottish Presbyterian conversations do, then became extremely ribald.

A popular theory was that German Fallschirmjäger were parachuted into Britain disguised as nuns. The theory was also popular in Europe.

A Miss Elsie Seddon, one of six Salvation Army social workers who reached England in the first weeks of the war told of how on one of the many occasions she had to leave her car for shelter in roadside woods from enemy bombers French soldiers pounced upon her. They apparently believed that she was either a parachutist or a spy. When she proved her identity they apologised and explained that only a day or so ago they had found a “sister of mercy” hastily shaving in the same woods. “She” was a German parachutist.

The myth of spies dressed as nuns still exists today as seen in the “Spy Hard” movie above and “Nuns on the Run” below.

The nun myth was extremely popular in Europe but in Britain does not seem to have caught on until the end of May, 1940. On the 24th a Ministry of Information Home Intelligence summary noted the “usual crop of rumours about hairy-handed nuns and parachutists”, together with “a house full of blind refugees which were alleged to be in possession of machine-guns”.

Oh, how do you solve a problem like …………………….Fritz, or Hans, or Heinrich, or Jurgen or Klaus?

The miniatures are great sculpts, except for the facial features which are very poor. Not sure if it was just the mouldings I have or they are like that in general. The other figures in the blister are a lot better. Maybe they just wanted nuns that looked like men – and very ugly deformed men at that.

How do you hold a hand grenade in your hand?

When I’m with him I’m confused

Out of focus and bemused

And I never know exactly where I am!

They will feature in my Weird War and Sea Lion games when I get enough other figures completed to run one! At the moment I have nun(s)!

Whilst the fifth column was indeed in action there has been no real evidence that the nun ruse was ever used. Ugly, hairy nuns, with big feet…………would never happen!

I will have nun of it!

Oops maybe I will have to take that back!

That is unless they bat for the other side!