There are certain things you expect to do on a holiday in Phuket. Visit beautiful beaches, enjoy some excellent Thai food, have a few drinks and generally do as little as possible. Then there are the things you never imagined doing, like going to a café to have a coffee with what can best be described as an oversized guinea pig with absolutely no ambition in life.
Welcome to the Capybara Café!

Now, for those unfamiliar with capybaras, imagine a guinea pig that has spent far too much time at the buffet, grown to the size of a small pig and developed the personality of a retired public servant who has decided that nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth getting excited about. And there we were, paying good money to meet them!

Capybaras are apparently the world’s largest rodents, although nobody seems to have told them. They wander about with the relaxed confidence of creatures that know perfectly well they are the main attraction and that the humans are merely visiting staff. They also have an extraordinary talent for looking completely unimpressed. You can approach them, admire them, photograph them and generally make a complete fool of yourself trying to attract their attention. In return, you might receive a slow blink, a twitch of the nose or, if you are particularly fortunate, the sort of look normally reserved for someone who has interrupted an afternoon nap.

I rather admired their attitude. Here were animals that had somehow managed to turn eating, sleeping and doing absolutely nothing into a successful tourist industry. No meetings, no deadlines, no responsibilities and, best of all, people actually bring them food. I have clearly made some poor career choices.

Of course, the real entertainment was watching the humans. Grown adults, ourselves included, behaving like excited five year olds because a giant rodent had wandered within touching distance. Cameras appeared, conversations became increasingly ridiculous and everyone seemed delighted whenever one of the furry celebrities acknowledged their existence. Meanwhile, the capybaras carried on with their important business of being capybaras. By the end of the visit, I had developed considerable respect for these magnificent creatures. They have perfected the art of relaxation to a level that even the most experienced Australian retiree could only dream of achieving.

So, if you ever find yourself in Phuket and fancy something a little different, a visit to the Capybara Café is certainly worth considering. Just don’t expect the capybaras to be particularly impressed that you’ve come all that way to see them. They have food, somewhere comfortable to sleep and a steady stream of tourists willing to pay for the privilege of admiring them.

Frankly, they’ve got life worked out better than the rest of us! And I am now seriously considering becoming a capybara. The only problem is that Maree would probably insist I still do the dishes.

Thanks to Open AI for help with the pic. Photios by the author.