Category Archives: Exploit Zero

Heresy of all Heresies

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The dust had barely settled in the Town of Corrupt after Guru’s Angels’ latest takedown when the whispers started again, this time with a very different flavour. It wasn’t about corruption, or takedowns, or even the lingering scent of that bizarre micro-pigmented dust. No, this time, everyone was talking about Guru himself.

“Guru is breaking from tradition and adding two more team members to his ‘Angels’,” the local news blared, “a move that has many talking, and I’m pretty sure Farrah is rolling in her grave like a rock star at a wild concert! I mean, who knew that a makeover would include more Angels?”

The original trio, Blur, with their knack for turning chaos into an art form; Glitch, the digital ghost who could make a bank account disappear faster than you could say “malware”; and Astra, whose pinpoint precision could disable a security system with a well-placed… something (the details were always vague, and best left that way), were legends. They were a well-oiled machine, a symphony of disruption.

So, the announcement of two more Angels was, to put it mildly, unexpected. It was like adding two more guitar solos to a perfectly balanced rock anthem. The town was buzzing with speculation. Was Guru losing his edge? Was this some elaborate tactical manoeuvre? Or, as some of the more colourful locals suggested, was he simply bored?

The official word, delivered in Guru’s usual cryptic style via an encrypted message board, was that these new recruits would “infuse the team with fresh perspectives and enough energy to power a small village.” Which, translated into plain English, probably meant they were either incredibly skilled, utterly insane, or both.

The new faces were Scrubs and Rift.

Scrubs, true to their name, was the team’s medic and… well, general fixer. She wasn’t just about patching up bullet wounds (though she were excellent at that). Scrubs was a master of improvisation, able to turn any piece of junk into a vital tool, a life-saving device, or a surprisingly effective weapon. She was calm under pressure, resourceful to a fault, and possessed a dry wit that could defuse even the tensest situations.

Rift, on the other hand, was… different. She was the team’s psycher, a master of manipulating perception, and bending reality. She could create illusions, induce hallucinations, and generally mess with people’s heads in ways that were both terrifying and incredibly useful. They were enigmatic, unpredictable, and prone to sudden shifts in… well, reality.

The addition of Scrubs promised to be a game-changer for the Angels’ operational capabilities. Previously, any physical confrontation or unexpected injury meant Glitch often had to divert precious attention, and even some of her hacking resources, to monitor health vitals or scramble for improvised medical solutions. With Scrubs on board, with her calm presence and vast knowledge of field medicine and quick fixes meant Glitch could now fully concentrate on her primary role: diving deeper into enemy networks, executing more complex hacks, and unleashing more widespread digital chaos without worrying about her teammates’ physical well-being. Scrubs could secure perimeters with jury-rigged traps, create escape routes from seemingly nowhere, and keep everyone patched up and in the fight, freeing up the other Angels to focus purely on their specializations.

As for Rift, her unique psychic abilities were set to add an entirely new layer to the Angels’ disruption tactics. While Blur created physical misdirection, Rift could warp perceptions. Imagine turning an entire Nought security detail against each other with a shared hallucination, or making a heavily guarded vault appear empty to a patrol. Rift’s presence would allow the Angels to operate with an even greater degree of stealth and psychological warfare, creating confusion and fear that no physical or digital countermeasure could truly defend against. They could make a Nought’s entire reality shimmer and crack, exploiting their deepest fears and anxieties.

The expanded lineup promised not just more hands on deck, but a truly terrifying synergy. Blur’s physical chaos, Astra’s precision strikes, Glitch’s digital dominance, Scrubs’ field ingenuity, and Rift’s mind-bending abilities. The Noughts, already reeling from the original trio, wouldn’t know what hit them. Or, more accurately, they wouldn’t know how they were hit, or even if they were hit at all.

An artists impression of the secretive, and yet to be identifieded “Guru’s Angels”!

As enthusiasts reflect on the legacy of the original Angels, differing opinions are likely to emerge; however, it is certain that anticipation is building regarding the potential amusement and disorder that this expanded roster will introduce. Furthermore, as a keen observer aptly remarked, “If nothing else, we can at least look forward to an unplanned therapeutic discussion during the forthcoming team meeting.”

The demise of Jason and his “All for Noughts”!

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The air in the Town of Corrupt, a place where the sun, when it broke through the smog, seemed to cast longer, darker shadows, hung thick with the unspoken understanding of who truly ran things. It wasn’t the elected officials; it was Jason and his “All For Noughts” gang. From the “protection fees” levied on struggling small businesses to the quiet oversight of illegal gambling dens hidden behind legitimate shopfronts, the Noughts had sunk their teeth deep into the Town of Corrupt’s underbelly. Jason, with his loud laugh and an even louder sense of invincibility, genuinely believed the town was his personal fiefdom.

“This town’s all for nought if we ain’t got our say,” he’d would bellow in the dusty local bowling club, slamming a fist on the worn timber. His second-in-command, Roberto, a man whose quiet menace was far more unsettling than Jason’s bluster, would merely nod, a chilling understanding in his eyes. They were, brash, complacent, and utterly convinced of their untouchability. They were wrong!

Then, a ripple disturbed the stagnant waters of the Town of Corrupt. Whispers started circulating about “Guru’s Angels.” They weren’t a gang, nor did they operate like one. They were a Direct Action Unit, a collective of anonymous individuals who appeared to be systematically dismantling the Noughts’ operations. They left no trace, only the fallout of exposed dealings and inconvenient truths.

Their leader, known only as “Guru,” was said to be a phantom – a voice on encrypted channels, a mind that saw through the Noughts’ intricate web of corruption as if it were glass.

He had three distinct agents, the ones who executed the intricate dance of disruption: Blur, Glitch, and Astra.

Blur was the master of physical misdirection and manipulation. They could create diversions, orchestrate seemingly random events, or spread carefully crafted rumors that would send the Noughts’ enforcers chasing ghosts. Blur excelled at making things not be where they seemed, creating a general state of confusion and doubt among the Noughts’ ranks.

Glitch was the digital phantom, the cyber-saboteur. They could infiltrate any network, scramble communications, delete incriminating files, or, conversely, bring them to light at the most inconvenient times. Glitch turned the Noughts’ digital infrastructure into their greatest weakness.

Astra was the marksman, a shooter and sniper of unparalleled skill. She didn’t deal in digital code or misdirection; her precision was physical, capable of disabling critical equipment, delivering non-lethal but impactful deterrents, or hitting targets with pinpoint accuracy from a distance, all without ever being seen.

The first direct strike against the Noughts was a digital nightmare. A major shipment of untaxed liquor, bound for the Noughts’ network of illicit bars, simply vanished from the shipping manifest. The tracking data looped endlessly to a non-existent address. The drivers, thoroughly confused, found only an empty warehouse. Jason’s phone buzzed with a single, cryptic text: “All For Nought.” This was Glitch’s handiwork, a taste of digital disarray.

Next, a critical piece of equipment at the Noughts’ main illegal gambling den mysteriously stopped working. The high-stakes poker table’s automated card shuffler broke down mid-game. The security cameras watching the back alley went dark, one by one, with no explanation. It wasn’t an electrical fault; it was a series of incredibly precise, targeted shots from a distance, disabling the mechanisms without leaving a trace. This was Astra’s signature – surgical disruption delivered with pinpoint accuracy. She didn’t harm anyone, but her message was clear: their operations were vulnerable.

Jason was livid. “Find these ‘Angels’!” he roared, ordering his men to lean harder on anyone who might have information. But every time the Noughts thought they had a lead – a suspected hideout, a potential informant – Blur would weave a web of misinformation. They’d orchestrate a timely “protest” in a different part of town, or spread a convincing rumor about a rival gang’s movements, sending the Noughts’ enforcers chasing phantoms down blind alleys. While the Noughts were diverted, Glitch would subtly redirect their surveillance feeds or scramble their internal communications, leaving them fighting an enemy they couldn’t locate.

The Noughts, for all their brute force, were fighting an enemy they couldn’t see, and couldn’t hit. Their grip on the Town of Corrupt, once iron-clad, began to slip. Small businesses, quietly emboldened by the Angels’ disruptive presence, started subtly resisting the “protection” rackets. The flow of illicit goods became erratic, unreliable.

THE FINAL SHOWDOWN

The final, devastating blow came during the Town of Corrupt’s annual “charity festival” – a perfect cover for a major money laundering operation the Noughts were running through a supposedly legitimate charity stall. Jason, Roberto, and their core crew were on-site, overseeing the illicit flow of cash.

Suddenly, the festival’s PA system, meant for local announcements, crackled to life. It wasn’t the mayor speaking. A distorted, digital voice boomed across the main square, playing snippets of recorded conversations – Jason’s voice, Roberto’s, discussing their illegal schemes, detailing specific transactions, even naming complicit officials. Then, the voice declared, “The truth, Town of Corrupt, is no longer for nought.” This was Glitch, broadcasting their dirty laundry for the entire town to hear, shattering their façade of respectability.

The Noughts sprang into action with a shooter moving forward to distract Blur, a barrage of suppression fire, although not causing any damage due to her expert dodging did cause her to try and avoid the fire.

Astra made her move. From a hidden location, her gun ready, she took aim. Her “shots” were perfectly aimed at the shooters most vulnerable points, and suddenly one of Jason’s crew was nought!

Simultaneously, Blur orchestrated a controlled an attack on the Nought hacker who was trying to infiltrate a weapons platform not used since the the early days of the Corrupt Wars. Wounded but not out, the hacker was in deep trouble.

Bad, but things were about to get worse. With all of the “Angels” surrounding the hacker the result was inevitable.

In a last desperate attempt to restore some dignity the last remaining “Nought” try to hack the Angels computer node. A series of Aim, Aargh, Wound results from Astra’s sniper rifle brought down the offender.

As Jason was cuffed, his bluster completely deflated, he looked around wildly. But there was no one to see. Without even a single scratch, Guru’s Angels had melted back into the shadows, leaving behind only the undeniable evidence of their operation. The Town of Corrupt, for the first time in a long time, felt a flicker of hope. The grip of corruption had been loosened, not by brute force, but by the precise, surgical strikes of those who fought for truth, justice, and Guru’s way, in the digital and physical shadows.

Another great game of Mission Critical with Jason.

What’s next in the thrilling saga of Guru’s Angels? To find out stay tuned – same Guru Pig time, same Guru Pig station!

The Girl’s night out

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“Once upon a time, there were three little girls from the toxic wasteland of Corrupt; and they were each living in very hazardous circumstances. But I took them away from all that and now they work for me. My name is Guru, Guru Pig!”

Just for kicks, the girls hatch a hilariously outrageous plan to sneak into the enemy’s command HQ in an oh-so-fortified district of Corrupt, all while casually tossing in the idea of “eliminating key personnel” as just a cheeky little bonus for their shenanigans!

The “party” consists of:

Blur – Her mastery of razor melee combat isn’t just a result of training; it’s more like a hilarious survival game gone wrong! Forget advanced tech; we’re talking about perfectly weighted, super sharp blades—maybe even scavenged from a particularly clumsy metal vendor or crafted from the leftovers of the last made-at-home shield-making contest. Who knew that being a combat expert could feel like a DIY project in the depths of Corrupt?

Astra is a sniper extraordinaire, a ranged combat whiz whose accuracy is so on point it could probably win a game of darts from ten blocks away. Her aim isn’t just impressive; it’s practically magical, polished not on boring shooting ranges but in the wild adventure of slum streets, where even pigeons are on edge. Every shot she fires is like a laser-guided love letter, bursting through gloom and grime with the finesse of a catwalk model dodging puddles!

Glitch is the team’s digital poltergeist! Glitch can sneak into any network like a cat burglar in a Wi-Fi shop, mess with communications like a kid playing with a walkie-talkie, manipulate surveillance systems as if they were mere toys, and extract data faster than you can say “buffering.”

Welcome to the “party” zone, where the only thing more vibrant than the decorations is Jason’s questionable dance moves!

Glitch kicks off the mission by breaking into the enemy’s high-tech communications clubhouse—because, why not? Their fingers twirl around the holographic interface like they’re auditioning for a sci-fi talent show, lines of code melting away like butter on a hot pancake. They unleash a fancy worm that’s sneakier than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, quietly sipping on data while commandeering the network like it’s their new favorite toy. Suddenly, the enemy comms start doing the electric slide, then poof! They’re as silent as a library at naptime, replaced by a looping, oh-so-boring signal that’s so bland it’s practically begging for the lights to go back on.

As Glitch’s digital tendrils weave through the enemy’s compromised communication node, Astra moves with practiced swiftness. A sharp thwip cuts the air as she lobs a tactical smoke grenade. The canister impacts a nearby wall, instantly erupting in a dense, swirling cloud of white. The thick vapor rapidly expands, masking their position and disorienting any approaching guards, buying Glitch precious seconds to solidify their digital hold and complete the crucial hack.

A formidable enemy close-combat expert, honed by countless engagements, lunges from the swirling smoke. Their movements are a blur of trained aggression, aiming for a swift takedown. But Blur is swifter. A phantom flicker is all that’s seen as Blur anticipates the attack, weaving inside the enemy’s guard. A precise strike, a barely audible thud, and the expert crumples, dispatched before they even register the counter. No screams, no struggle – just silence and an empty space where a threat once stood.

Having taken over the communications node, Glitch, now comfortably lounging in the enemy’s systems like a cat in a sunbeam, decides it’s time for a little fun with a high-frequency sonic pulse. Instead of a dramatic explosion, imagine a slightly annoying, deep vibration that sneaks past all their fancy defenses like a ninja in the night. The sudden pressure wave crashes into every poor enemy inside the compound, leaving them clutching their heads as if they just heard their least favorite song on repeat. Soldiers wobble like jellybeans, their knees giving way and sending everyone crashing to the ground in a clumsy heap, making them look less like warriors and more like a pile of confused puppies – utterly vulnerable and temporarily out of commission!

With the enemy temporarily incapacitated by the ridiculous sonic blast, Glitch zooms in like a caffeine-fueled Quoka towards a downed operative. Forgetting all about her hesitation—what’s that, a luxury?—she unleashes a flurry of energy bursts from her assault rifle, like a kid at a candy store. The impacts are comedy gold, knocking the poor target to the ground and leaving them wondering if they’ve just been hit by a rogue fireworks display.

The successful shot made Glitch realize that the enemy is not just your average shooter—this guy’s got the aim of a laser-guided squirrel! Pity they won’t get a chance to use it!

Standing up to the sonic blast and the unpredictable antics of Glitch, the enemy shooter now finds himself in a pickle, squaring off against both Glitch and Astra—talk about being outnumbered! It’s like bringing a rubber spoon to a knife fight.

A comically loud alarm blares, announcing that a tiny, mischievous explosive charge has decided it’s time for its big debut somewhere in the HQ. An enemy operative, grinning like they’ve just won a prize for worst villain of the year, is fumbling around to secure the area, their hand awkwardly patting the remote detonator like it’s a pet cat. But wait, here comes Blur! Practically a gust of wind in spandex, Blur zips in and out like a bad magic trick, arriving right behind the enemy. Before the villain can go, “Wait, what?” and before the timer can even go “tick,” Blur delivers a swift, superhero-grade smackdown. The operative drops like a sack of potatoes, and just like that, the explosion is thwarted by the skin of a mouse’s whiskers!

With the sonic blast’s effects fading like a bad haircut, and the enemy’s demolition expert taking an unplanned nap, only one enemy operative is standing, looking like they’ve just lost a fight with a blender. Enter Blur, who zips over to secure the communications mask, because let’s face it, the last thing anyone needs is a surprise party invitation going out at this hour!

Meanwhile, Astra zips around like a caffeinated squirrel on a mission. She spots an enemy-controlled automated weapons turret, awkwardly stationed like a bouncer at a club that no one’s trying to enter. With a few spectacular moves that would make a magician proud, her engineering tools blink like they’re in a disco, and the turret’s internal gears start humming as she wrestles it into submission, overriding its grumpy targeting protocols. Now, instead of being a menacing menace, it turns into her overly enthusiastic sidekick, scanning for trouble with its shiny optics, ready to unleash a hail of cover fire at Astra’s command—because who doesn’t want a turret with a flair for the dramatic?

Finally, Glitch, the master of mischief, tiptoes toward the enemy’s main C2 HQ like a cat burglar on a midnight snack run, ready to plant a demolition charge that’s just as likely to turn the building into confetti as it is to bring it crashing down—talk about a party favor!

An absolutely hilarious spectacle featuring Jason and a gloriously chaotic debut for “Gurus Angels”!

“Blur”: The Human Edge of Corruption

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Blur is the unyielding, masked leader of a Direct Action Unit from the toxic town of Corrupt.

Her striking blue-green skin is a natural adaptation to the poisoned environment, a living testament to her resilience. In a world of chrome and circuitry, Blur stands apart, relying solely on her human speed, precision, and raw combat instinct honed by a lifetime of survival.

Her mastery of razor melee combat is born from necessity and relentless self-training.

This isn’t about advanced tech; it’s about perfectly weighted, incredibly sharp blades – perhaps scavenged shards of high-grade metal, or crafted from unique, resilient materials found within Corrupt’s depths.

She wields these weapons with a terrifying, almost supernatural speed, becoming a literal “blur” of motion.

Every slash, every parry, every strike is a testament to her honed reflexes, physical conditioning, and an unparalleled understanding of anatomy and combat angles.

She doesn’t just hit; she cuts, tears, and incapacitates with surgical, brutal efficiency.

As an orphan who raised herself in the unforgiving streets of Corrupt, Blur developed an unemotional, pragmatic approach to survival and leadership.

She commands her Direct Action Unit through sheer competence and undeniable effectiveness.

This unit comprises a small, highly effective team dedicated to immediate, often violent, objectives essential for their survival in the decaying urban landscape.

They execute dangerous missions: securing dwindling resources, neutralizing threats from rival factions or corporate incursions, or performing critical extractions.

Her masked visage reinforces her detachment, making her a figure of both dread and unwavering reliability.

She leads by example, her razor blades often the first to flash in any conflict, proving that even without enhancements, humanity, when pushed to its limits, can be the most dangerous force of all.

Multiply that by three and you have a very powerful force.

These three make up the Direct Action Unit needed to play “Mission Critical”, but I need two more DAU team members to play “Explore Zero”, the full version of Patrick Todoroff’s game.

Here is “Rift” and “Bones” which you are likely to see soon.

“Glitch”: Hacker Extraordinaire

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Aura Glitch Kaito, known in the shadows simply as ‘Glitch’, bears the indelible mark of her origins.

Her most striking feature is her bluish-green skin, a living, discolored testament to the toxic waste that has seeped into every corner of her home city. This unique pigmentation, a spectrum of teal, jade, and cerulean hues, often shimmers eerily under the harsh neon glow of the megacity’s lower levels.

Her eyes, a piercing, almost unnervingly bright electric blue, are frequently obscured by data-stream goggles or the deep shadow of her hood. Her hair is typically a choppy, practical cut, dyed a deep, matte pink that starkly contrasts with her skin, sometimes threaded with subtle luminescent fiber optics that glow faintly when she’s deep in a hack.

Her physique is lean and agile, built for navigating tight spaces and quick escapes, often clad in utilitarian, augmented clothing – a mix of reinforced synth-leather, and well – skimpy. She constantly carries a modified datapad and a compact, custom-built cyberdeck, often cunningly disguised as a mundane commlink to avoid detection.

Born and raised in the polluted underbelly of “Corrupt’, a sprawling, corporate-controlled metropolis, Aura’s childhood was steeped in the stench of chemical runoff and the pervasive hum of unregulated machinery. The very air she breathed and water she drank contributed to her unique pigmentation, a ‘mark of the waste’ that many in her community share.

This shared struggle, coupled with the rampant corruption and neglect from the city’s ruling elite, ignited a fierce fire of rebellion within her. She found her calling early on in the digital shadows, becoming a computer hacker expert through self-taught mastery in the intricate arts of network intrusion, data-siphoning, and electronic warfare. Her unparalleled skills quickly caught the attention of a burgeoning direct action unit, an underground collective dedicated to aggressively disrupting the corporate stranglehold and exposing their nefarious dealings through strategic digital and physical interventions.

Glitch is a woman of quiet intensity, sharp, analytical, and fiercely independent, preferring the cold logic of code to the often unpredictable chaos of human emotion, though her actions are ultimately driven by a deep-seated sense of justice and a protective instinct for those sharing her distinct appearance.

She possesses a dry wit and a sardonic sense of humor, often expressed through subtle facial shifts or brief, pointed remarks rather than overt displays. Her loyalty to her direct action unit is unwavering, viewing them as her true family and the only path to meaningful change. While she can be withdrawn and deeply distrustful of outsiders, she exhibits surprising warmth and camaraderie with those who truly earn her trust within the unit.

She’s a master of stealth and misdirection, both in the digital and physical realms, allowing her to slip in and out of secured networks and locations completely undetected. Her primary motivations stem from a burning desire to expose the truth and reclaim a shred of dignity for the marginalized, to bring down the corrupt corporations and officials responsible for the blight on her community, and to ensure a future where those affected by toxic waste are not merely survivors, but thrivers.

As a crucial direct action unit member, she is driven by the belief that freedom of information and the dismantling of oppressive systems of control through data liberation are paramount, even if it means risking everything.

Mission Critical Battle Report

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Your mission, should you choose to accept it, Felix Vaga, involves a daring jaunt into a secure network, because what else would you do on a Tuesday night? Apparently, there’s a juicy little weakness in their system that’s about as secure as a sunbather in a nudist colony—but hurry, it’ll vanish faster than Roberto el Charlatán’s motivation to hit the gym in the next twenty-four hours!

You are about to embark on a covert mission with the super-secret codename “Kill Robeto,” which is not related to any supernatural activities—promise! Your task? Deploy a fancy payload designed to sneak in a backdoor and make off with some juicy sensitive data. But heads up! This mission is riskier than trying to sneak snacks into a movie theater; getting caught is a big no-no! If things go south, our agency will pretend they’ve never heard of you—poof, like a magician’s trick!

Intelligence suggests that Roberto el Charlatán and his merry band of misfits are cooking up their very own malware, and trust me, it’s not your run-of-the-mill digital nuisance! This highly sophisticated spoonful of trouble is designed to wreak havoc on unsuspecting systems and networks by endlessly looping Roberto’s monologues over and over again—because who wouldn’t want to go a little mad listening to that? It’s like the ultimate audio torture; just imagine operators pulling their hair out while chanting, “Make it stop!”

In light of the (not-so-funny) seriousness of this threat, we need to jump into action faster than a cat chasing a laser pointer! Kicking this individual to the curb will give our global cybersecurity intelligence a nice boost—think of it like giving our ageing agents a “Sustagen” shake! Roberto know all about that! By rolling out our secret countermeasures and beefing up cybersecurity protocols, we can shield our precious data and infrastructure from the lurking dangers that could lead to disastrous messes—like spilling red wine on a white carpet! Spilling the wine was the disaster if you didn’t get it folks! Urgency is key here, and let’s keep our eyes peeled and wine glasses full in this epic showdown against the nefarious villain, Roberto!

You were chosen to lead this mission primarily because of your legendary melee combat skills—skills so refined that even your training partners have taken to carrying foam noodles for safety. Your knack for getting up close and personal with opponents makes you the team’s secret weapon, or perhaps just a really brave soul. Meanwhile, Kaito Nova, our resident tactical genius who thinks he’s a real-life action hero, will be on fire support, probably shouting catchphrases like “Pain is Temporary, Pride is Forever”, while you dive into the fray. And let’s not forget Dax Orion, a tech guru whose idea of fun is uploading malware like it’s a TikTok dance challenge, all while aiming to scramble enemy communications as easily as he scrambles eggs for breakfast. Together, this unusual band of misfits will form a not-so-average crew, maximizing chaos and—fingers crossed—success in this hilariously over-the-top operation.

This message is going to pull a disappearing act in five, four, three… poof! And just like that, it’ll be gone faster than your motivation on Monday morning!

Felix Vaga, sporting a determined gaze and fingers ready to trigger his imagination more than a bullet, stands poised to take a shot at the “hidden agent” (B), fully aware that the stakes are as high as his blood alcohol levels before a meeting with the in-laws. Meanwhile, the elusive Kaito Nova (1) has taken cover behind what appears to be an impressive collection of savoury biscuit boxes, his instincts sharper than his last haircut, allowing him to predict the plot twists like a seasoned soap opera fan. The air is so thick with suspense you could spread it on toast as both figures hide from each other, each weighing their options like a cat deciding whether to knock over a wine glass. With every passing second, the tension escalates faster than a cat video going viral, and the atmosphere buzzes with the unspoken understanding that only one will walk away victorious from this ridiculous face-off of epic proportions.

While all this chaos unfolds, Dax Orion takes a wrong turn and heads straight for a blunder! He thinks he’s zeroing in on the net node, but surprise, it’s just the surveillance mask throwing a costume party. How does a seasoned pro pull off such a spectacular rookie move? Well, at least it scored him two victory points — maybe it was all part of his master plan! It was, and Roberto el Charlatán was duped by the rouse.

Outmatched in close combat, Kaito Nova clings to hope like a cat clings to awaivering branch, his heart racing as he scans his surroundings for a miracle or, at the very least, a Mr Whippy truck. The sound of clashing metal fills the air, sounding suspiciously like a very intense kitchen utensil duel. Summoning all his strength, he fights back with the ferocity of a toddler denied a cookie and manages to deliver a crucial wound to his opponent, who momentarily pauses, probably contemplating life choices. However, Kaito is not without his own battle scars; he suffers two painful injuries in return, each blow a gentle reminder that living the superhero dream is not as glamorous as it looks. Despite the pain, he remains determined to survive, believing help will arrive just in time, perhaps riding in on unicorns, to turn the tide of battle.

No unicorns in sight, but fear not! Enter Felix Vaga, who sends in Roberto el Charlatán’s lady of the night like she’s fresh out of a clown college, her clumsy antics hilariously out of place in the tech circus. The room buzzes with the industrious sounds of rapid-fire data entry and caffeine-crazed hackers chugging coffee like it’s liquid gold. Yet, somehow, amidst this symphony of chaos, Felix struts in like he owns the digital stage. He tackles the task with the finesse of a master chef tossing a salad, and with a flick of his wrist, he magically turns her awkwardness into a comical dance, as if he’s directing a slapstick autopsy!

Controlling the surveillance mast is like playing a game of musical chairs for Felix’s team as they shimmy and shake around the net node, trying to outmaneuver each other while keeping an eye on the ever-watchful digital surroundings. Meanwhile, Roberto el Charlatán, perched atop the tallest building like a not-so-stealthy hawk with a flair for the dramatic, gleefully decides to ruin the party by taking out Dax Orion just as he’s about to hit the net node objective—talk about a dramatic entrance!

You’d think he had a flair for showbiz with such timing! A heinous deed indeed, but also a bit of a party pooper! More pooper than party, really, as the rest of the team now has to scramble in a frenzy, dodging metaphorical banana peels and trying to regroup, all while muttering about the unfair advantages of being high up with a clear view of the chaos below. It’s almost as if Roberto has set the scene for an action movie, complete with the classic exaggerated villain laugh echoing in the background!

With Felix having taken out Roberto’s hacker, it’s now Kaito’s turn to take a shot at the not-so-stealthy Roberto, who’s about as hidden as a neon sign in a blackout. The result? Well, it’s about as surprising as a buffoon being elected US president—Roberto takes a tumble right off the edge of the tall structure, proving that gravity really is the ultimate party crasher! But wait he hasn’t fallen.

Above you can see Roberto el Charlatán juggling his way through mid-air, hanging off the edge of the building like a clumsy clown, unable to plummet because his Holtzman suspensors have decided that gravity is just a suggestion. There he dangles, an eternal trophy proving that Guru’s acolytes are not just awesome—they’re awesooooooooooooooome, but with that slight hint of comedic flair!

Felix Vaga and Kaito Nova are the final two gladiators in this epic showdown, each scintillatingly aware that the destiny of their team hangs precariously in the balance—no pressure, right? As the dust settles like last week’s pizza, Dax Orion, looking like he just had a questionable encounter with a trampoline, decides it’s time to shake off Roberto’s hilariously awful shots that missed everything except his own inflated ego. This chance for comedic relief lets him pull a “let’s put our thinking caps on, everyone” moment, strategizing as if he’s playing “Pass the Pigs” while preparing for whatever ludicrous escapades lie ahead, all the while understanding that the battle is far from finished and every choice counts in this high-stakes, ridiculously funny game. Who knew giving Roberto a hard time could be this entertaining!

We are the champions, maybe not of the world but certainly of Roberto el Charlatán

Astra: The Star in the Slum

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Astra is a name she carries as a stark defiance. She hails from the deepest, most forgotten corners of the urban sprawl – a toxic slum known colloquially as Corruption.

The very air in Corruption, thick with industrial runoff and decay, has permanently stained the skin of its inhabitants.

Astra’s own complexion bears the unmistakable, eerie hue of blue-green, a living testament to the pervasive corruption of her birthplace. Growing up amidst squalor and desperation, she learned early that survival was a brutal, self-taught art.

Despite her grim origins, Astra has become a deadly accurate shooter, a ranged combat expert whose precision borders on the supernatural. Her aim isn’t just skilled; it’s absolute, honed not in sterile firing ranges, but in the chaotic, unforgiving crucible of the slum streets. Every shot she takes is a calculated strike, a brilliant, focused beam of intention cutting through the grime and despair.

Astra now serves as the indispensable sharpshooter for a Direct Action Unit, a team built for rapid, impactful operations. She’s often deployed as an over-watch specialist or a long-range infiltrator, tasked with target neutralization, providing crucial over-watch, and relaying vital intelligence from a distance.

Her primary weapon, likely a heavily customized piece cobbled together from scavenged parts, is perfectly tuned for her unique style, a testament to her resourcefulness.

Her past makes her thrive in dilapidated, hazardous urban environments, where her stealth and infiltration skills are unparalleled. However, her upbringing has also left her with deep-seated trust issues, making alliances difficult.

While masterful at range, she’s less effective in close-quarters combat. The long-term effects of her toxic exposure also present a potential vulnerability, possibly manifesting as chronic health issues.

Astra carries the weight of her past, but she doesn’t let it define her entirely. Her marksmanship is a testament to her resilience, a grim aspiration to rise above the toxicity that tried to claim her. Driven by a quiet defiance, she seeks to carve out a destiny brighter and cleaner than the tainted world she was born into, finding purpose in her unit’s mission to bring down oppressors one precise shot at a time.

Tomorrow some more of the “Direct Action Unit”.

Nerdy Novelties

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The Slicer character in Exploit Zero is the ultimate cyber geek who joyfully breaks into your foes’ Super Hush Intelligence Technology, armed with an oddball mix of creativity and nerdy skills.

In the midst of digital mayhem, this character powers up their hacking antics by guzzling an outrageous assortment of drinks jam-packed with dextrose, sugar, and malic acid, along with a splash of corn syrup and artificial flavors that make your taste buds do the tango. Each sip is like a secret potion that not only blasts them with energy but also offers a cozy hug during those high-stakes strategy sessions.

With carnauba wax and enough artificial coloring to make a rainbow jealous—because who wouldn’t want their drink to scream “look at me?”—the Slicer is the hilarious embodiment of tech and indulgence, living in a world where the line between virtual shenanigans and life’s guilty pleasures hilariously intertwines.

The slicer also gets to pilot the teams drones In a small-action skirmish game like EXPLOIT ZERO , ‘drone’ is the catch all term for any remote controlled robotic device, be that the surveillance, medical, or combat series.

Although they look cool as a physical model, Agent Drones are basically glorified pieces of Equipment that hog Two Equipment Slots on your Agent’s dance card. These little gizmos have to stick close—like a toddler at a theme park—within 1” of their user until they get the green light to activate.

They don’t improve your moves on the battlefield or make you harder to hit, so don’t count on them for any dance-offs. To get one of these bad boys running, you need to nail a Pilot CAP roll (and don’t forget that sweet Two Dice Bonus!). Once the Drone is all fired up, it’s like having a remote-controlled buddy until the connection goes kaput.

But beware! In the chaos of combat, you can only juggle one Drone at a time—no multitasking allowed. Once you roll a successful Pilot CAP, you can start transferring your actions to the Drone without rolling any annoying dice—just announce your moves like a game show host!

The catch is, the Drone insists on rolling a D8 for its endeavors. To keep this clever little gadget under your thumb, you’ve got to stay within 18” of it, but don’t worry; you won’t need to squint to see it.

The Pilot Link holds strong from turn to turn, just like your last pizza delivery promise—unless you decide to ditch it. The only thing you can do without losing your Drone pal is take a Free Move/Move. But watch out! Any damage or mishaps on your part can snap that connection like a bad reality TV relationship, leaving you to roll for a new Pilot CAP to regain control.

These drones are crafted from “mysterious treasures” dug up from my bits box and a couple of ancient flying bases lurking in my slotta base tub. It’s like a budget-friendly art project gone rogue, and honestly, they look pretty “cool” in a quirky way! I mean, hey, if Guru can give nerds a bad name, I might as well embrace my inner mad scientist!